fhionnuisce: (Default)
From my Tumblr, which, at this point, I feel comfortable sharing with you all:


Last night I watched 8, the play about the Prop 8 trial which has previously been suppressed from the media. Prop 8 is on its way to the supreme court, and with the contents of the trial now available free from YouTube in the form of this play, a hell of a lot more people are going to be *truly* informed about this issue, and I really have high hopes.

So why did it totally make me crash after I watched it? Why, if I’m a GLBT rights supporter, do I not feel some sort of accomplishment from this?
There are a couple possibilities: I’m a member of the GLBT community, but for various reasons I feel disenfranchised from it. I don’t feel my community around me. And why is that?

I’m witnessing a successful human rights movement which I am only tangentially a part of. I sign petitions. I’ve raised funds for groups like HRC, both personally and professionally. I follow this issue more religiously than any religion.

But it’s not mine.

I’m GLBT but the movement isn’t mine.

At the end of the day, I may not be gay or lesbian. But I’m disabled, and I don’t have marriage rights either.

Sure, I put a brave face on it. Helen Mirren used to say that marriage and turnips were not for her, because she had no interest in either one. Well, now she very eloquently supports gay marriage because she’s realized that A) marriage was a good choice for her after all, and B) she has that choice, and so should everyone.
People with disabilities are fighting a lot of battles. We’ve got a 70% unemployment rate and a 1 in 3 sexual abuse rate and that’s what gets reported. When we’re not even seen as sexual, or when our worth to society is so in the toilet that 70% unemployed just is, that sexual abuse and neglect and so many other things just are, how can we really start thinking about our marriage rights?

I don’t know, but I’m thinking about them, and I’m tired of being depressed. I’m tired of telling myself I’m uninterested in marriage BECAUSE I HAVE TO. I don’t know what the hell I will get done. My people have a lot on their plates OTHER than marriage rights. My people are just trying to exist, to get through days of pain and be seen as human beings. But they are my people, and it’s time for me to start to fight for them. I don’t know what I’m going to do or who I’m going to do it with, but I guess that’s why I’m bringing this to tumblr and not another one of my blogs. So go ahead and spread the word that at least one person who’s put some muscle behind this GLBT movement is willing to do something for people with disabilities. Maybe in my lifetime the couples I know living outside of marriage for fear of benefits getting cut or medical services being suspended won’t have to wait in the shadow of the supposed sexlessness of people with disabilities.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. - Ghandi

If those words and ideas can propel Ghandi, they can propel me to action.

I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’m ready and willing to start fighting. I want to know who else is too. Reblog or like this, and I will take notice. Spread this, Internet. I’m ready to get moving. Any progress is progress. Every little bit counts. What’s going to happen now?
fhionnuisce: (Default)
This is sort of like the "if I felt like all this was written in stone maybe it'd make it into my profile, but since I'm on shakier ground I'll just make a supplemental-to-the-profile post.

Realizations of the last few months/weeks/days which might get their own posts, or might not, but haven't warranted them so far:

- Can now say officially I'm a deist. Which is to say I believe there is most definitely a God, but I can't pin down anything else out of any other philosophy. It's not that I don't think pieces of philosophies are correct, but that I don't think any singular philosophy gets it, besides the fact that I've had way too many spiritual experiences to deny there is a God. Don't try and pin me down past that. :)

- Tried a new years resolution which backfired. Speaking of things that won't get their own post.

- Holy shit: Genderqueer much? Yes! (Brave enough for boy hair? Not really sure. Have wanted boy hair since ever, have been slowly ramping up to it since Demcember-y time. It's close to happening, at least.)

- Mmmmmmmm... kink. Not back involved in my local scene, but I am doing a lot better with self-acceptance of this, and feeling a lot better for it. Slowly getting my thoughts together for the people I now consider my doms, and in general I'm feeling really peaceful and balanced because I'm no longer trying to erase this, instead. That? Turns out to be a bad idea.

- Wow. Turns out I can socialize. Still. Again.

- With the Kindle desktop app (not the actual Kindle, or the phone app, both of which I have tried), I can read again!

- I'm back to circulating in a small subculture among people with disabilities. I think I can credit coming to live here, going through Kerri's memorial service, and seeing how short life can be. It reminded me who my people really are, and why. That? Is something I think you just have to feel in your gut. And I'm glad I have people AT ALL... cause there was a period where I didn't feel queer,I didn't feel like a writer, I didn't feel genderqueer, didn't feel disabled. Just felt... terrible and hopeless.

I've also got a new general rule of thumb that sort of dawned on me as a result of all this... which is probably really "duh" but is helping me keep my head on straight. As I said to Meg... time for round two, bitches.

- I feel like I'm getting less and less neurotic by the day. I think I can credit my energy work practice and the kink and all that comes with it, even though I'm not doing terribly much. Being connected back in on both levels is a huge \o/. Can't even tell you, really. I need both aspects in my life... and now that I have them, there is happiness.

- Writing, thinking about writing, talking about writing, it's all keeping me going. Yep, I'm a writer. I'm basically writing two books in my head right now. Granted, that doesn't mean any of they'll get on paper for a while. But they WILL get written.

- Music! Listening to music again is such a huge deal for me, which is probably why all I can do lately is spew youtubes. When I'm really depressed, I just completely stop--as has happened twice now. Also went through a period where I couldn't even breathe and listen to music at the same time (asthma or brain issues, or both, who knows.) So. Now I can listen to music and write, or talk, or breathe--somewhat--at the same time, and hence why Pandora is a literal lifesaver for me. So, so, so, so, so, so relieved, you guys.

So yeah. Life isn't easy, but it is good, genuinely good. :)


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July 2017



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