fhionnuisce: (Default)
First of all, Prop 8 has been declared unconstitutional. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT FUTURE MARRIAGES IN CA ARE LEGAL BUT THAT THEY CAN'T BE MADE ILLEGAL. They're going to have to re-pass gay marriage there, and that's assuming this does okay in the Supreme Court, but so far this is a big step.

Compared to that, my progress is pretty small. (Even though I have a little bit of bitterness that this had to happen at all, but at least now it's been declared that basically anything less than marriage is discriminatory.)

Today I: Met with case manager, who helped me terminate yet another PCA. This one refused to be professional, repeatedly asking after my sex life and flirting in a really gross way that felt rapey, then backing off of it, of course. God, people are so gross. It feels really rapey and I'm that much further from believing in good PCAs.

So that was a big deal. Did that. Then I also found a bunch of paperwork, went over some bills with my case manager, and some other formal business. After he left, printed off 6 months of bank statements. Tomorrow he will be back and we'll go over them. MY FINANCES MIGHT ACTUALLY MAKE SENSE for the first time in ages.

Oh, and I made that intro post a sticky at the top, and in general reorganized my stickies a bit, including making my fanfic pages that much less noticable--I hope. I debated deleting my stories, but as my friends would say, I have more class than that. ;) Still...I'm that much closer to taking them off the blog. If I did so, they would remain on AO3.

Not sure when I will be able to afford to rename this journal (the Dreamwidth side). I feel like it's the last step I need to complete to fully distance myself from the "samidha" persona, even though my name(s) would remain attached to each other (i.e. you can still use samidha.livejournal.com to get to me even though I am now transitioning to fhionnuiscetine/fhionnuisce.)

I am so, so, so beyond broke, like, major surprise debt! The good news is, none of the debt is on credit cards (although I haven't checked my credit cards in a while, I don't use them.) Everything will be with people who don't charge much interest. But I still have to ascertain a payment plan for surprise medical bills and surprise missing checks, mainly because I had a computer get fried and I had to replace it or risk my sanity (no joke).

At this point, very honestly, I am not above asking ye of my readership if you wouldn't take up a tiny collection for me to buy a rename token for Dreamwidth. I REALLY don't want to be samidha anymore, every time I see it it makes me throw up in my mouth a little and it reminds me of Spider Phobia Girl, literally going crazy, and the sickening amount of money I sank into fandom.

Much as this is a mental health thing, every cent I own is now accounted for for the next gods only know how long. My case manager is going to help me work out a payment plan tomorrow. But no matter what said payment plan is going to be, the end result will be "every cent you have is now still owed to other people." I knew I couldn't really afford to rename both LJ and DW on my own, but I chose to do so on LJ because of the relevant prevalence of the samidha monicker over there.

I know I'm not the only one in financial trouble right now, and it feels like such a petty little thing, except it's kind of a mental health deal... To the point that I'm actually updating over on LJ more than I do on DW because I don't want to deal with my DW account name.

A rename costs $15. If anyone wants to help hook me up, even $1 at a time, please let me know.

Somewhere around here I have a check from [livejournal.com profile] jennytork, and I haven't forgotten it. If I find it, it actually gets me about halfway there. But I gotta find it first. LOL.

Ugh, I feel like slime right now, but I'm so financially strapped that... there it is. If anyone wants my Paypal details, PM me?

FYI, the new username will be fhionnuisce, to match my tumblr (which, FYI, is turning into a dream journal and gender issues blog. I don't even know) and somewhat match my LJ.
fhionnuisce: (Default)
Crossposting between DW and LJ is now slightly broken for me because I have two different names and don't know how to fix the crosspost settings (I can see where I'm supposed to edit them. I just don't seem to be able to edit the right thing from what I can tell.) So I've been posting over on LJ since I did my name change.

The very abbreviated story is that the name samidha is now really attached to fandom for me, and I left the fandom, after much wailing, gnashing of teeth, soul-searching and other drama... Fandom was eating my life, I want my life back. It's not a judgment against anyone else's fandom foo.

Anyway, here is the post I wrote most recently on it. Other than this post, what I've been posting is writing of original characters and/or writing process stuff. The writing is locked because they're my/our original characters. Not sure if anyone over here is interested in seeing them... Show of hands?

Moving on... my most recent post:
Did a pass over my communities a little bit ago, got rid of as many comms as I could think of that I either didn't want to deal with anymore, or haven't been dealing with. Mostly these were Supernatural comms. Today I did something I haven't in months--tried to read my friends page. Having done so, I found some more comms to ditch, including the one for mac users. LOL. (Good riddance, overpriced Apple store.)

I may actually be able to read my flist again and maybe retain some things from it. I miss many of you. I hope I can keep up better now.

This is the last call. All my SPN comms are gone. [ETA: Except one that does file exchange party things. *whistles innocently* That might be gone shortly though.] I've left the fandom. It really stuck this time.

Hopefully the people who remain are not made uncomfortable by the fact that I had to leave. If you're uncomfortable here, the only thing I can suggest is to unfriend. I'm not coming back and I'm not writing any more fic (but I am not deleting any of what exists either). I am slowly re-engaging in my life after a period of totally not.

Many of you didn't really know the real me. I can't say that the real me is entirely back yet... or if there will be much writing here when I feel fully back in the saddle... but, well, if you have any doubts who you're dealing with at this point, give my profile another look. Most of it is still true, if in a muted, somewhat more timid way after having been through a lot of crap since I was last so vocal about who I was.

Anyway... so yeah. Feel free to get comfortable again, or walk away. I really won't judge. It's up to you if you want to see the non-fandom me or not.

At the moment posting will remain sparse anyway... Spoons are definitely all still going to rebuilding my life right now. But I want everyone who's here to be on the same page.

I'd like to thank you all again for the overall amount of support I've received here since I decided to leave fandom. None of that has gone unnoticed. Trust me. So...thanks. It's helped more than you'll ever know.

Onward!

---

And about the rename that will be coming to this journal shortly:

I have found a username that's available both on DW and LJ. Fhionnuiscetine.

The hell is that?

It means phoenix fire (phoenix was taken). It also means bright water fire. Which is really, really awesome. See...that's sort of a running joke between myself and maccaj: our clan of characters primarily uses the last name O'Dubhshlaine which means people of the black water. Shortly before I met her, I had spontaneously changed Doug's name to, well, Doug, from Michael. Doug means black river/black water. So I had been trying to think of a username that incorporated a water element, especially because I am a water sign, and I periodically have intense nostalgia/fondness for such things. It wasn't happening and wasn't happening, til maccaj pointed out that I reminded her of a phoenix and that in Irish it has a double meaning. :)

So. Fhionnuiscetine. It's pronounced Finn-ISSH-key TIE-nuh, and, well, I hope that I can live up to it.

The DW journal won't be being renamed til Jan 1 as it costs money and all. Feel free to get used to the idea over on LJ. *grin* (It's not done there either...)

SUCCESS.

I will still be using the name Naoise somewhere in my profile because, well, it's appropriate.

Best of both worlds.

Go forth and be confused by all the Gaeilge. ;) Just think--sometime in 2012 I'll be starting to study it again, and then there'll be even more of it around.

ETA: I may just be using Fhionnuisce on DW... it's free.
fhionnuisce: (Default)
What a whirlwind week. I hope everyone had a good holiday this year, whichever yours was. I am unsure if I have ever been so ready for a new year. I don't really want to get into it, but yeah, damn.

Good things about 2011:

- I'm here.
- I stopped being crazy.
- I started up my energy work practice again. A bit.
- I got back in touch with my best friend after this sort of fugue thing I was going through. I will never let her out of my (vast electronic) sight again.
- I got rid of several abusive PCAs and am in general taking back control of several things on that score.
- Writing. If there's one thing I proved in 2011, it's that my sanity is tied to writing. It kept some tiny part of my rational self alive. I wrote almost every day this year. Even when I felt half-dead and hopeless. I think that means I'm a writer.
- The day I stopped fighting tooth and nail with my roommate because we realized the instigators were aformentioned abusive PCAs.
- Maternal grandmother survived a third round with cancer.
- Holy shit, goodbye DADT! This is why Obama is my President.
- Escape from duck nation SUCCEEDED. Extraction from psycho weird bad relationship with She of t he Spider Phobia completed.
- Writing Doug and Jer again! And Treasa and Steve and Brian! HEE. So awesome.
- Finding Pandora
- New connections with old friends.

The bad things about 2011:
- Paternal grandmother diagnosed with cancer.
- Death, death, death, death, death, and more death on the side, including my neighbor and friend on 12/26.
- SPN cons, the wasting of my money.
- I suck at money exponentially. Wow.

There are plenty of terrible things going on... but I honestly can't think of that many. My positives WAY outweigh the negatives... Surprised by that, honestly. I feel like this year's been TERRIBLE. I will say it's been pretty much 24/7 STRESS. Can't get a stable PCA situation to save my life. That's the main stress. Having people in my home FREAKS ME OUT. I'm committed in 2012 to learning/re-learning skills so that I can minimize the presence of PCAs as much as possible. I can't minimize the hours they're here, though, because if I do they'll cut my hours... so... yeah. Stressful situation is stressful. But... at least I am slowly taking back the situation.

I'm tired and avoiding writing something. Second time ever that Doug's father has come asking me to write something... in 11 years. Heh. Hi, Marcus. So apparently I have a side project for when I'm not working on "Home" with maccaj.

It's 2012 and we haven't all disappeared in the Mayan Rapture or whatever the hell's slated for right about now. Which is good, cause I've had enough death for 5 people this year.
fhionnuisce: (Default)
Okay, so I am going to attempt to get to the post office this week. Still massive, massive amounts of pain... but I have a BFF with a birthday coming up, so shit needs to get in the mail and fast.

So far I think this is what's going down:

Signed poster of doom: [personal profile] alexseanchai

Supernatural anime [livejournal.com profile] jennytork

My Bloody Valentine 3D DVD: Unclaimed

Dark Angel s1 and/or s2: Unclaimed

SPN S1-4: Claimed by a local friend

If you want any of this crap... talk to me this week. If there's anything we've talked about re: this and I'm forgetting it... talk to me this week.

No, I really don't want anything for these little bits of Hollywood because I want this crap out of my house. I do charge shipping.
fhionnuisce: (Default)
I think this is the last of these kinds of posts. Anyone want a copy of My Bloody Valentine 3D? I forget what the hell edition it is, but it has 2 discs and a reasonable amount of bonus feature stuff.

You pay shipping and have patience about me getting it to you, otherwise we're all good.
fhionnuisce: (Default)
So I am trashing my SPN stuff and/or giving it away. I don't suppose anyone wants a S1 or S3 DVD set (I have 2 and 4, but they are not in great shape) and/or a signed poster that, thankfully, is not personalized...?

This shit needs to get out of my house... Anyone can claim them for the next week or so, after which they will be sent out with the trash.

(I have a potential home for the DVDs so I guess it's just the poster that really has to go. Yes, they both signed it, no, it is not personalized.)

Exodus is going well. Slowly but surely filling my life with other people and things. I feel a LOT better. Really. :) Did feel a bit of nostalgia when there was a new post in the Sharp Teeth comm... but I'll live. ;)

ETA: The poster has now been claimed. That was fast. :)
fhionnuisce: (Default)
Not that much to say here now that my exodus from fandom seems to be actually working. Going through some medical crud...so there will continue to be relative radio silence while I deal with that. However, I feel it should be known that I have the most amazing chosen family in the world, and I am ridiculously in love with each and every one of them. Ahhhhh. So good for the soul.

I feel so much lighter, you guys. :)
fhionnuisce: (Default)
I did not watch SPN this week.

I could be wrong, but I really think this time leaving the fandom is going to stick.

All I have to do is remember my general distaste for television, and not turn on my set.

Week one down. Eventually my overall habit of barely watching TV will kick my SPN habit to the curb. I think.

Now if I could just stop over-processing what happened. (Which has been going on for two years now on and off.) Well, at least, I haven’t been writing about it much lately.

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